I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
