he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
