So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
