I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bet he comes in French.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
