now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
