I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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