Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
