That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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