My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
