This girl is more easily done than said...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
