My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
