i think my tv is drunk
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
