I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
