I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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