Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
