I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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