chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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