I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
