I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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