I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
