I skipped work to stalk him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
