Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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