I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
