i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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