One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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