You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
