Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
