i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
