Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just threw up on my dentist
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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