she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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