i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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