Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
