dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
