If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
