Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
