i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
