look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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