I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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