Having a random hookup so left but love u
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
