everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
