We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
