One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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