I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
