Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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