i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
