smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
