Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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