OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
