is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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