i barfeds in our rink
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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