I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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