it's like iHOP with fire
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
