my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
