I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
