if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
